perhaps this will be the last time i blog here. I find that blogging often contributes to bad moods, rather than healing em for me.

anyways....its a bit of a cleansing really....to reflect back on how i got here, and notice how many bad things i had surrounded myself with. indeed..negativity is like a drug, and it will be the end of u.

the problem is...many people are fake and want something from you often...not to say these people dont have redeeming qualities...thats the hard part...these people arent ALL bad....but the bad they have is toxic...and very rarely are they willing to put the selfishness and negativity aside to benefit those around them. insecurity leads to jealousy, which leads to shit-talking which leads to backstabbing....when surrounded by it, as much as you may resist, u will inevitably fall into it. the rationalization i can find is, no matter what, we are in the "beat em or join em" position. If we aren't able to overcome the issue, we find the compromise to be the next best thing.

anyways...im tired, exhausted and just got through what one might consider a quarter-life crisis. things are great. things will be great, but only if i'm able to keep my train on it's track. thus the decision to isolate myself and get away from some bad parts. some are easier than others....indeed its even harder when u feel u need support....BUT...that also is toxic to others...to come them only when u need them. balance is hard, but im sure ill find it.

when things are better, there are some people i still want to be around...but lately..ive had to review everything and everyone...i am considering a complete release of confessions to those around me..but at the same time, honesty can be freedom for the person releasing it, and a burden to the person receiving it...so im undecided there.


[EDIT]

anyways..a recent bump in the road with another friend has left me with a key chance for reform...the beauty of having a wide variety of friends, is having access to various perspectives....when amongst the many different personalities, u can find one common criticism...it is safe to say...there might be a problem. so...i dont know yet..if i'll go out in a blaze of last minute confessions...or just go quietly into the night...but indeed i have been a poor friend, and family member to just about everyone...so lol...time to fix things.

anyways.....yes...im gone. peace, luck, and love to you all. i know things will get better.

I've reached a point where i'm changing many things in my life. Many things to start new...and to start new, sometimes u gotta let go of the past. there are many people who i will no longer have contact with...its not so personal...its just that i have things that i have to focus on....and indeed...we are gradually growing in different directions. I have a great deal of love for everyone...but in many ways, i feel as bad as some people may be for me, i'm also no good for them.

anyways...in one case, perhaps the choice was not mine, but i'll have to just go with it. I will say publically =p...Jess is one of the funniest people i've ever known. very rare is it that someone can make me laugh, and to be able to have extended conversations about a range of topics to the point of absolute hilarity...well ...i will miss that. lol i had a crush on her when i first met her, cuz it was that rare kind of "click" that u get when u meet someone who can make u laugh. that is the only particular loss i am not happy about. *shrugs* my best wishes to her.


now...as for anyone else who i lose contact with, go fuck yourselves. XD jk...lol best luck to everyone.


goodbye.

goodnight.



signing off.

This spot is FRIENDS ONLY.


So WTF are you?